Falling Off The Wagon

The world can be a nasty place. Bad things and vices galore draw you in and it IS much easier to walk along the wide and crooked path rather than the boring old straight and narrow. TOUCH Magazine’s Roger Ajogbe met three people who, through their choices, fell off the wagon but are trying hard to get back on.

Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied.
- Pearl S. Buck

Junior Miller is a 29 year old father of one from East London. Two years ago, he was caught in possession of 10oz worth of cocaine. Currently, he has just over a year left of a three and a half year sentence.

“It was a touch really. I should have gotten much longer for the offence. Maybe six to eight, but the judge allowed me because he knew I was trying to go somewhere in life.”

Before being arrested, Junior was co-starring in a sci-fi movie and had just released his first mixtape, ‘Back on Road’ to nods of agreement from peers. For his character references in court, he called upon the director of the film and a very popular English (unnamed) actor. He explains,

“I was doing well. I was back on road and my tapes were selling. I was going legit. Then I got greedy. I wanted the money too fast and decided rather than wait, I’d go and get it myself.”

Miller made his money through robbing drug dealers of their stash and cash. He would kidnap and force them to hand over whatever they had. Regardless of the violence involved, he says he rarely harmed them unless provoked.

“I had young ones running the streets for me looking for any ‘shotters’ who were slipping. Once I found where they stayed, I’d run up and surprise them. I’d take whatever I could find.”

After nearly 5 years ‘At Her Majesty’s pleasure’, (this is his third stint), Miller is more than ready to make a change. Miller was hand picked from thousands to be part of the label-signed pop group T.C.O. (The Chosen Ones) in the early 90s. He played college basketball in the U.S. with a good chance of being drafted to the NBA. He is a scri ptwriter and actor with financial backing from four U.S. based companies and was in the process of inking a distribution deal. So what went wrong?

“I got greedy. I’m impulsive by nature and don’t think of the consequences once I get that call. I hate to sound like a rap song but it will be different when I get out. I have to be there for my son. He’s getting to the age where he’s going to need a man around. I love women but with all due respect, only men can raise men. When I get out, things will change.”

My life is full of mistakes. They're like pebbles that make a good road.
- Beatrice Wood

‘Pauline’, 36 is an alcoholic. At 27, her then fiancé was killed in a traffic accident which she says pushed her over the edge.

“When Scott died, it felt like I did too. He was my world. To have that taken from you is a pain you simply cannot describe. To cope with it, I drank. I would spend days ‘under’. Whenever the pain came back, I’d drink until it didn’t hurt anymore.”

‘Pauline’ is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and SHARP (Self-Help Addiction Recovery Programme) which is managed by The Chemical Dependency Centre (TCDC). She has been ‘dry’ for eleven months.

“I knew I wasn’t well but I didn’t care. I drank before Scott died but never to excess. Even my family and friends felt like enemies. I felt utterly alone and the only way to numb the pain I thought was through drink. It was killing me literally but I didn’t care.”

Moments of clarity are few and far between when, rather than struggling to remember, you are drinking to forget. I look at past pictures of ‘Pauline’. She has visibly aged far more than nine years since she first became chemically dependant.

“It started with a tipple to calm my nerves but I moved on quickly to wine and spirits. I lost everything, my job, my home. I moved back in with my parents again, still drinking. The last straw was when I stole to buy drink. They got me the help I needed. I’m stronger now. I know I can change and with my programme and family, I will.”

“If you don't make mistakes, you don't make anything”
-Anon

Smoking kills. It is a fact. Regardless of this, on average six people every four seconds become smokers. I met up with Susan who, at 29, has been smoking since she was 14.

“I sound like such a cliché but it really started just so I would fit in. All my friends were doing it so I tried it too. Peer pressure is a massive factor when you’re that age and I guess I just kept it up. I tried all the patches and that stuff. Even hypnosis. Nothing works for me in the long term.”

She picks up a box of Marlboro Lights, pops one out and sparks it, almost indignantly.

Sitting in a West London beer garden, (thank God for the smoking ban) I give her the figures –

Smoking kills 120,000 people a year.

Puff, puff.

One in two people who smoke will die from it.
Puff, puff.

One in four of them will die prematurely in middle age.

Puff, puff.

Five times as many people die from smoking than all deaths from road accidents, suicides, murders, Aids and manslaughter put together.

Puff, p….

I then explain that with all this taken into consideration, the Altria Group (cigarette manufacturers) has financial holdings eclipsing the vast wealth of Microsoft, IBM and even McDonald’s (over $104 billion). At this point she stubs out her cigarette and pops a piece of gum in her mouth.

“I’ll stop tomorrow,” she says.

“I hope so”, I say.